1. |
Winds of Descension
01:23
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2. |
The Cycle of Darkness
07:06
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Innocent, young and untainted
So blind and vulnerable
A life that began to shine so bright
Nothing detectable
Thought I’d found all of the answers
Could I have been more wrong
When my world began to crumble
Should have known it all along that my end was coming soon
Betrayed, abandoned, pushed away and replaced - forgotten
Walking ‘round in circles into the winds of descension
Playing your words through my head over and over again - hollow
Did I give too much or not enough, who fucking knows
One by one they all disappeared, vanished from my life
Left alone with the worsening state of my confused, angry mind
Isolating myself from all that surround, zero trust
Forced daily interaction - can’t pretend that I’m not lost
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
How could I have seen it coming if I know not what went wrong
No warning signs of any kind, no omen dawned
How I made it through one single day in this place I’ll never know
Subliminal ridicule and torture for years I would soon undergo
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Gaping wound, a fraction remaining
Of who I used to be
All that I had, all that defined me
No longer can be seen
Overnight, the dramatic departure
The light that faded away
Internally evaporating
Nothing can I say as I watch and bleed
The cycle of darkness had only begun to take hold of my life
A pattern that started with a devastating blow that would forever change me inside
There’s nothing that could have prepared me for what my life would soon become
The door is open now for good, the damage has been done
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
Darkness will always re-manifest, taking on new forms
As soon as you think it’s gone for good, the black cloud is reborn
Forever I’m followed by this recurring theme, the burden un-dismissed
The cycle of darkness to which I belong will never cease to exist
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Therapy was not the answer
I never would have seen
A diagnosis
Is not what I did need
So I decided
I would continue on my own
Knowing not
All that would follow
Follow
I may not find closure
But maybe clarity
The time is now
And this is where I’ll be
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3. |
All That Consumes
05:24
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(Solo - Joe Garcia)
Living in a perpetual state of self-avoidance
Leaving my life postponed
Lying to myself that until I find control
I don’t exist and won’t
Day after day, the same promise broken
To finally break away
Frivolous cravings shatter new beginnings
There’s no good time to change
Trapped in a lost search of a deeper satisfaction
That could never be achieved
Protecting myself from the future, past and present
As I spiral endlessly
My entire existence ruled by limitation
And restriction self-imposed
How many times can I rewrite the same song
Before I decompose
Self-sabotaging
Ritual
Nothing but a distraction
No way to heal
All that consumes
Holding onto pain
All that consumes
Through the avoidance of pain
All that consumes
Addiction will only further suppress
All that consumes
The emotions you neglect - all that consumes
A pale face in the mirror
Lifeless eyes now full of fear
Trembling hands grip the sink
Blood runs slowly down the drain
Sentencing
Sentencing
Thoughts racing through my mind
The brutal truths I can’t deny
Through the years of abuse, have I reached
My turning point, my sentencing
Sentencing
Sentencing
Sentencing
Acid torn
Acid torn
Acid torn
Acid torn
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Living in a perpetual state of self-avoidance
Leaving my life postponed
Lying to myself that until I find control
I don’t exist and won’t
Every day, that same promise broken
To finally break away
Frivolous cravings shatter new beginnings
I will never change
All that consumes
Holding onto pain
All that consumes
Through the avoidance of pain
Fuck
All that consumes
Addiction will only further suppress
All that consumes
The emotions you neglect - all that consumes
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4. |
The Next Lost Philosophy
03:33
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Stranded out at sea
Fishhook in the deep
Waiting for the pull
To catch the one I need
Each fish that I see
Represents a thought
Or a theory of self
Will it be the one
The life that I knew
Taken away from me
All clarity is gone
Lost within the depths
All is lost
The never-ending search
For truth that can’t be found
When the answer swims right by
Will I make the catch
Confusion
Descension
A loss of identity
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Suddenly I feel a tug
I’ve finally made the catch
But it slips right from my hands
Back into the black
Hope is obsolete
The truth has swam away
The philosophy is lost
Let’s call it a day
Confusion
Descension
The next lost philosophy
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5. |
Perilous Mind
04:50
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Enter the source, the origin place
Where fear and confusion are born
From echoes of laughter to internal battles
Behind my eyes there is war
So deeply entangled within a web
Of perceptions that do not exist
Living within the eyes of others
The bleeding will only persist
Self-diagnosing in self-isolation
Although I can hardly explain
Dysmorphophobia, “brain vs. body”
Unable to write my own name
Digging far deeper than one man should dig
Opening all the wrong doors
The cycle was product of thought in itself
Don’t know where to go anymore
Standing at the open gate
I ask myself: What did I create?
You’re not supposed to look at yourself under a microscope
Your habit of overthinking exposed will create false evasion of hope
Think yourself into oblivion
Drowning within the symptoms of your
Perilous mind
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Blood begins to trickle from the bowels of the mind
Body locking up and turning cold - shaking, weak
Everything around you is becoming one big blur
Heart beating heavy sending tremors through your body
Can’t recognize yourself, so detached from your surroundings
Falling deeper in more just as we stand here
The seconds feel like minutes and I see no end in sight
My whole life to this moment has always been a fight
I can’t hold back now because I’m finally giving in
All grip of the world lost in just one episode
Looks like I’ve finally reached the end of the road
Have you witnessed the collapsation of my soul
Lingering within my subconscious
The question will always remain
Is anything real or is it all manifestations
Of my self-blame
Sobering moments provide reassurance
The voices that cut deep inside
Yet still so unclear where it all began
Can’t find the real reason why
Peering out from the abyss
As I sink within my own absence
You’re not supposed to look at yourself under a microscope
Your habit of overthinking exposed will create false evasion of hope
Think yourself into oblivion
Drowning within the symptoms of your
Perilous mind
Perilous mind
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6. |
Disintegrative Path
04:54
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(Lead - Ivan Duran)
Twisting through an endless hall of pain
Behind each door, the answers won’t be found
Answers to the questions haunting me
The ones that keep me feeling so unsound
Every time I think I’ve found the truth
I’m proven to be much further from it
I never was a danger to myself
But I had no desire to get well
You can live everyday of your life in pain
Or you can choose to get a fucking grip
Of the reality from which you are falling
And realize you’re the only one to blame
Circumstances we create for ourselves
Are not controlled by external forces
So it’s up to you to regain life control
Or continue on your disintegrative path
Betrayed, abandoned, pushed away, replaced
The color disappearing from my face
My sense of humor wearing thin
Stuck on things that never could have been
Warning signs were nowhere to be found
No way to foresee what was to come
So forever I’m consumed by knowing not
Embracing the intoxicating heat
Of the cold
As it runs through my veins
You can live everyday of your life in pain
Or you can choose to get a fucking grip
Of the reality from which you are falling
And realize you’re the only one to blame
Circumstances we create for ourselves
Are not controlled by external forces
So it’s up to you to regain life control
Or continue on your disintegrative path
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
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7. |
Fist
02:18
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Here we go again, the fire rising from inside
My anger far too easily unleashed
My mind is now engulfed and the flames are rising higher
Fury feeding on me like a leech
Everything around me shining light on all my flaws
Fighting the endless battle against myself
Looks like I have lost again so here comes the big bang
Leaving ration high up on the shelf
Now that the explosion’s coming, nothing I can do
But sit back and await the final fray
Once I’m in this mindset there can be no turning back
The looming urge that will not go away
If I don’t give in
The feeling will persist
Violent visions in my head
I cannot resist
No time to hold back from striking
Anger will not be subsiding
There is only one solution
Fist
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
Hiding from the ones I love, afraid they will find out
The truth about the bruises on my face
Avoiding all the questions but there’s no way to deny
What happens when I end up in that place
This habit had arisen from the withering of hope
For a temper far too short to try and tame
Now I’ll never break away from my destructive ways
Afflicted is my middle fucking name
If I don’t give in
The feeling will persist
Violent visions in my head
I will not resist
No time to hold back from striking
Anger will not be subsiding
There is only one solution
Fist
Blacked out, paralyzed
Powerless, dazed
Frozen, catatonic
Sinking - fist
Blacked out, paralyzed
Powerless, dazed
Frozen, catatonic
Sinking - fist
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8. |
Dying Face
04:58
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Lurking emotion
Intellectualized
Development derailed
In the blink of an eye
Severing the limb
Of inner stability
A poisonous relation
With no visibility
Only know one way to be
A slave to my own misery
Invalidation, sheer resistance
A bottled existence
Endless war with my emotions
Feelings cannot be controlled
Will the color ever return
To my dying face
Compulsive desires
Fighting back the urge
To escape from this cold cell
A single moment to emerge
My compulsion a result
Of intensive suppression
Won’t allow myself to feel
Any real connection
Only know one way to be
A slave to my own misery
Invalidation, sheer resistance
A bottled existence
Endless war with my emotions
Feelings cannot be controlled
Will the color ever return
To my dying face
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
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9. |
Lunar Depression
08:00
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10. |
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Innocent, unwilling flesh falling into his glare
Guilty obsession, curious compulsion for reasons he’s not aware
A tragic soul rejected by all - acceptance will never pervade
Deep inside, the sorrow resides
Cold and empty - the eyes of a corrupted man
Introduced as an ordinary thing at a crucial point in time
Forever imprinted, the seed had taken root and so began the inner fight
Innocence taken, his future obscured
Growing self-hatred and there was no cure
Infected
Was there a cross-wiring or was it as simple as lust
No one is safe from the path of his eye as they dart around the room
Locking onto everything he sees
Far beyond his own control he makes his presence known
And the spectacle created only draws the mocking eyes
Without even knowing I was digging my own grave
Trusting far too many with a secret no one could keep
My identity now forced upon me, nowhere I can hide
The decision I must make - should I own it or deny
Over my head, out of my hands, it was far too late
The only option I have left: a full embrace
Empty
Eyes - There was never a chance
Of - No way he could prevent
A - The bigger plan
Cold
Corrupted man - Innocence never was
Eyes - His definition of love
So - A broken intimacy
Empty
Eyes
All questions answered, the accusations are in place
What’s done is done, I know my words can’t be erased
Eyes - There was never a chance
Of - No way he could prevent
A - The bigger plan
Cold
Corrupted man - Innocence never was
Eyes - His definition of love
So - A broken intimacy
Empty
Eyes - Now we have reached
Of - The story’s end
A - Where the cycle began
Cold
Corrupted man - Innocence never was
Eyes - His definition of love
So - A broken intimacy
Empty
Eyes
(Lead - Joe Garcia)
Never will I understand
I’ll never accept who I am
Why did it have to be me
What does it all even mean
My life is dictated by this
Shadow I cannot dismiss
Wonder what life could have been
Without the affliction at hand
Riding out a sick obsession
Curiosity turns to passion
Hidden behind the desperation
A longing for human connection
I will never see the true light of day
Forever trapped in the shadow of the darkest side of me
(Solo - Joe Garcia)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
(Solo - Ivan Duran)
Empty
Eyes - There was never a chance
Of - No way he could prevent
A - The bigger plan
Cold
Corrupted man - Innocence never was
Eyes - His definition of love
So - A broken intimacy
Empty
Eyes
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The Perilous Mind Laguna Niguel, California
Studio project established in 2018 by Travis Derby.
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